Tuesday, February 21, 2012

My Added Blessing

I guess you could say January 2nd was just as any other day... my back hurt maybe a bit more, I felt completely huge {putting it lightly} and I was plumb ready for you to arrive. My mind wandered to all the "to-do" lists that I needed to finish in the following three weeks. I smiled every time a mention of you came to my mind... I was ready to be a mommy of another beautiful girl. Nine perfect months of feeling your movements, laughing at your tiny hiccups, and having you all to myself were coming to a close. It was time to share you with this lovely world.

I went for a walk that evening, listening to David Crowder and Hillsong, crying with each step of "how He Loves" knowing that you were one of the ways God was showing His love to me. These were the moments I will always remember, the moment of the first contraction... then the doubt of "was it a contraction or just gas" haha :) Eight minutes later, another... Kept walking and crying... and another... another and another and another until I could not walk anymore but had to almost crawl back to the hosue. As a side note, you have the bestest daddy in the world and you will see why throughout the day... Right when I came inside announcing the arrival of the contractions, your daddy was jumping up and down, grabbing pen and paper to keep track of them, and would not stop smiling. I kept telling him they were just false alarms because you were not due until the 22nd but he would not listen. Two hours later your mawmaw lesley was there {she is pretty amazing too!!!} another two hours and we are headed to the hospital.

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The doctors said the contractions were close and strong but you were not dilating enough. So me, daddy, and mawmaw walked the hospital floors while i paused for contractions and sipped my water with zaxby's ice {mmmm.... my fave!} Hours later, they said you were closer to coming but not quite close enough and wanted to try to stop you from coming... So I took some amazing sleep medicine and waited at the hospital. These were my funny moments... I dreamed for hours that I was a squirrel, I know I know, crazy mama!!!! But there i was in the hospital bed in and out of dream land with my hands at my mouth nibbling at "nuts" and saying "i think im a squirrel" over and over again. I kept giggling at how rediculous i sounded but could not stop myself...

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And so, one night passed, 15 hours of contractions, January 3rd was here, and the contractions did not stop. Dr. bresnahan walked in seeing how exhausted I was and said "let's break your water" That's when it happened. I knew I would be meeting you that day. I would be holding you in my arms. My eyes started shining brighter and my heart beat a little faster. There was a happiness in my soul that grew and grew with every second.

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Your aunt Ryssi was called and ordered to bring the camera!!!! {of course!} Right when she walked in the room she said "woah, w`e need to do something with your hair" :) {another moment i will never forget} I tried to put on some makeup and look like a human, she patiently did my "nappy contraction" hair and we waited...

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I woke up and knew... it was time to meet my love, my sweet bebe Adelveis. The nurses were ecstatic, the doctor walked in smiling, your Daddy was dancing and beaming, Mawmaw was giggling, Ryssi was clicking away at the camera, and I had never been happier. Everything froze for a second while I waited to just see you, my little miracle. You came so quickly with Moon River playing in the backgroud {a gift from Meemaw in Heaven, im sure}... and the second I saw you I cried... You were as beautiful as I had always dreamed. Every inch of you was made beautiful by our sweet Savior. I felt my life changing in those seconds, welcoming another beautiful gift of love into my arms. I did not remember the 9 months before... the crazy months of sickness, the two miscarriage scares, all the tears of fearing losing you, all the fears of the void of not having you... it was all washed away with God's precious gift to me. I held you to my chest and never wanted to let go. I wanted to watch you breathe, snuggle your tears away, kiss every inch of your wrinkles.

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I took a second to look around the room as I held you close... taking snapshots in my mind of the beauty of it all. I looked beside me at your daddy and saw how quickly he had fallen in love. He kept whispering "I love you... she is beautiful" to me. I fell more in love with him in those moments, grateful he was there to hold my hand through all of it. I remembered some of his first words ever spoken to me on that dusty yellow bus in Guatemala, a baby on his lap, "More than anything one day I want to be a great dad" A part of me fell in love with him that day... and it fell even harder watching him kiss your sweet head and nuzzle you close.

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Your mawmaw was crying sweet lovely tears. You will love her as I loved Meemaw. She is a kindred spirit, so giving and so full of pure joy for you. She could not take her eyes off of you. I saw in those happy wrinkles around her eyes, years of raising and passionately loving 4 little women without complaint. Years of sacrificing new things for herself so we could have a pair of basketball shoes. Years of Egyptian dancing at midnight and steam roller and watermelon toast... I knew i could not have hand picked a better mawmaw for you. She would love you as perfectly as she loved me.

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Your precious Aunt Ryssi... taking it all in with her camera. She captured the magic in you. She made me feel beautiful and I was so thankful that she saw her first miracle of birth with you coming into this world. She has loved {and spoiled} you and sweet Haven with sugars and girls dates. I know you will be the best baby sister to Haven just as she is to me.

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And then another moment happened...Something purely magical in the minutes that followed. God's first gift to me pranced her beautiful self grinning from ear to ear. My heart lept when I saw your big sister Haven Grace. I saw how she loved you for who you were, a teenie piece of Jesus... so small and full of new life. She had no jealousy, wanting only to smother me you and daddy with her love. She is so good in so many ways and my heart connects to hers and yours in a way I never thought possible. She was completely beautiful in those moments, red cheeked, dancing for the nurses, and begging to not leave your side. I have never been more proud of her. I could see you instantly falling in love with her... I could almost hear you two giggling the nights away under a tent filled with baby dolls... I could picture the sister hugs and handshakes... the bedtime snuggles and story times... the secrets that mommy could never know about :) I wanted to wrap both of you up tight to me and never let you grow a day older, freezing both of you in this perfect moment.

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More than anything in this life... I want you to know that on the day you were born January 3rd, 2012, you were loved. You were loved by a Savior who gave you life and breath, you were loved by your Meemaw and Pawpaw Jim who danced in Heaven watching your daddy and I love on you, you were loved by your mawmaw and pawpaw lesley who grinned as the angels did, you were loved by your aunt ryssi and unca justie who were just there to do anything and everything we needed them to, you were loved by your aunt jesse unca nate austie when they brought mommy and daddy dessert {yes!!} you were loved by mawmaw zuzie as she snuggled you close, you were loved by all the friends and family who came to ooh and aah at you, you were loved by a little 4 year old who had become a bit older and more responsible on that day, you were loved by a daddy who whispered in your ear and kissed your sweet fingers so gently, you were loved by me who dreaded falling asleep and taking my eyes off of your precious face... I pray you know every day just how loved you are my sweet Adelveis Prim Wagoner.

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xoxo

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